After I got my Science GCSE results back the second time around I decided that it was probably time to ditch the dream of becoming a vet. The truth was – and I knew it even back then, I just wasn’t academic enough. I’d lost interest in learning, and was spending so much time online writing in one way or another that the idea of taking classes very quickly became a joke.
I don’t think I ever managed an entire week in Sixth Form during my last year there, and when I dropped out I don’t think anyone was surprised. It’s not that I didn’t have drive though. No sooner had I dropped in to start the process at the Job Centre, less than a week later I was employed! It stayed that way for a long time until just over a year ago and at the time it was the most devastating news I’d ever been given.
It became clear to me that working with children with autism was something I was good at, and although I still stand by my belief that I could, did, and would be able to support people with autism in the future – it’s my dream job because of what it was to me in those last few weeks at work. Despite the imminent redundancy, and the constant confusion that I know recognise came with not understanding my own actions (which I strongly believe were influenced by BPD), I felt safer than I had ever done working in a class with colleagues who truly worked together.
Looking forward, at the path I want to take when I finally return to the U.K – I’m not sure that such intense, full time work will crop up so easily. I know, thanks to my new diagnosis that the things I found hard were things that people with BPD find hard. I know that I have needs as an employee that are liable to change at the drop of a hat, but I still maintain, whenever people ask me – that I would be able to work with a class if I knew that I would be working with the same set of adults and children throughout the day. I know the first few months will be hard, until I feel comfortable and get a sense of ‘knowing’ the people around me. Hopefully, with some therapy the process will take far less time, and maybe some of the more difficult parts of every day life will be easier, not just for me, but the people I have to work with.
Until then, I have found something I am enjoying just as much as I’d always hoped I would!
A career as a Freelance Writer wasn’t always in the forefront of my mind when I thought about writing as a job. I have a creative mind, and a desperate desire to write a best selling novel and I know I have the concept there, and the ability to do it. It took me a long time before I started looking into doing other work for people – and it turns out I feel pretty confident that I’m doing a good job of it. The end of this week brought with it a surprise request for not one, but five articles. It’s the start of something that I hope continues, but the only way is up when the work starts to come in!
I’ve handed in the work that was due, and am currently hanging on to find out my client’s thoughts and feelings about the work I’ve done – but I don’t feel as anxious as I thought I might in this type of circumstance. I offered my continued work – should what I produced not come to any standards and at the end of the day it’s just a person on the internet, and not someone I would have to work with on a daily basis and fear that something I say or do might make them angry/frustrated/upset/worried/concerned.
To feel confident in my ability to say to someone, ‘Yeah, I’m a writer.’ is a feeling I’m proud of, and although it might not stick with me come the morning (because it seems increasingly true that when the highs come that little higher than usual it’s because there’s a low coming right after.), right now I feel like I could confidently express myself as being a writer. A published author in fact!
Here’s hoping things keep moving on in the same way.
Edit: Because just look at those reviews!