Money, again. Always money.

I just felt such a strong compulsion to complain/whine/rant, and this is obviously the perfect place for it, and on that thread I’m thinking of something else but I’ll stick to the main point.

I have some money in my Paypal account. It’s there quite often, mostly because it’s an easy way for my Mum & Step-Dad to send me money, and to get funds from the surveys websites that offer that as a payment method.

What I am quickly hating about Paypal is their advertising. I get it. It’s your own company website, why shouldn’t you be able to advertise your products but it’s so frustrating to get logged in and see an advert for ‘credit’, and – lo and behold, a photo of a desk with an apple product on it.

It just makes my brain tick and for a moment (or more) I have that flash of thought. ‘I could just go ahead and get credit for an iPhone’.

Mum & I had a really interesting discussion about the way I feel about buying things. I told her about how frugal I can be and that I’m renowned by my friends as being one of the most frugal. I hunt down free stuff, try to get the best offers, usually know the best place to buy things and I suppose when it comes to food I’m really careful. When it comes to other things however, it’s a completely different ball game.

I was once so obsessed with buying Final Fantasy X back when it first came out, that I would go into various shops that sold it, and I’d just look at it, and be overcome with this feeling of how much I needed it, and so wanted to buy it – but at the time I had no money.

Months later, after I’d bought it, I went back into a similar chain shop and stood there, looking at the case of the game which I already owned now, and was overcome with that same desperate sensation that I needed to have it. I wanted to buy it, I wanted to hold a brand new copy in my hands right now and it felt stupid, so ridiculously stupid. I can’t put into words how it feels when I want something and it’s the same as it is for wanting the new iPhone, except I know I’m going to experience it on a regular basis.

I bought a new 3DS despite the fact that I already had one. I didn’t just do it once. I did it twice. Of course, these were different versions. I bought a red 3DS, then a 3DS XL Pikachu version, and then when I got to Australia I bought the NEW 3DS XL. In the last year, since I was made redundant and made this decision to take off, I’ve bought a DSLR camera, a BOSE mini bluetooth speaker, a 3DS XL, £100 in vouchers for the nintendo store, a laptop, and a bunch of smaller things.

It just always come down to the same old feeling, and the reasoning in my head that it’s okay because I need these things so badly. I do feel guilt over them, but I manage to overcome that guilt and try to forget about it, which is easy once the money has gone and the impact of spending that money (i.e. not having money for the rest of the month for food because of it) is gone.

Hopefully I’ll be able to keep talking myself down, and out of buying these things, but with Fallout 4 coming out soon, and the idea of not having a PS4 when I get back home, and the issues I’ve been having with my iPhone 4. I think it’s going to be a constant battle.

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