But I NEED it.

I need help.

I’ve been looking at the apple store, and I could totally buy myself the new iPhone 6S. I totally want the iPhone 6S and there is pretty much nothing right now that can make me think otherwise.

I know I could apply for Paypal Credit, according to the Apple website – not sure whether they would accept me, but I have paypal credit on my account already. It would only cost £33.60 a month for 2 years to have an iPhone 6S. In my hands. It totally feels like something I should do too.

After all, my current iPhone is running out of battery after about an hour of vague usage, and I had my iPod stolen so I could use the 6S to store all my music. AND, I’d be able to play Fallout Shelter on it, which is clearly THE most important thing in my life.

I’m thinking about the consequences. I’ve already spoken to my Mum about it, she’s right here but the impulse to go ahead and buy the phone anyway is burning HARD. Even though she’s telling me it’s just a phone and that I don’t really need it, I cannot explain to you how much I want to buy it.

I’m thinking about how I’ve had to borrow money from a bunch of people. I’ve been sent money by my Step-Dad and borrowed money off some friends back home and I know I should feel guilty because technically that isn’t even my money but I so want this phone right now that I can’t find it in myself to feel guilty when I SHOULD be thinking of them first. I owe them money, and the £33.60 a month would go a long way to paying them back every month, never mind the debtors that I owe far more than a few hundred pounds.

It’s difficult to stop thinking about it though.

I get these impulses all the time and fighting them takes all my focus because it’s not just something that I’ve been thinking about RIGHT NOW, I think about it very often. Every time I think about listening to music, or the apps I want to be able to use to ‘make money’ when I get home, and the adverts on TV and on the internet and blah blah blah. There’s so much stuff.

I think I’ll feel bad when Fallout 4 comes out and I insist on buying that. After all, I should be contributing to the people who will be letting me stay in their house come December. I feel like such a selfish person when I think about it like that, but I’m not – I just really want these things because I need them. How do you even manage to tell yourself you don’t need something when you do?

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